How Barbarella Cranked My Machine

When I met Jane Fonda at the Shelter Half Coffee House near Ft. Lewis in 1970, it was for an anti-war speech along with Q and A with Hanoi Jane. My leftist politics were flowing like hot lava and how King Kong was much more dangerous than the Viet Cong. Look what he did to New York..whereas not one Viet Cong was shot down from the Empire State Building holding a blonde in his evil clutches…. I had been volunteering at the Shelter Half coffee house and participating in the anti-war movement within the military which is not a safe thing to do. The movement was growing and spilling over the barbed wire walls and merging with the civilian movements in the street and on the campus. I had been doing acid all day long while in Seattle waiting for Jane to arrive that evening in Tacoma. I rushed back to Tacoma at 5 to meet her, but you have to remember..although I was hard left in political thinking and action…damn it…I wanted to meet Barbarella!!!

I of course wanted to meet Hanoi Jane, but…but…I also wanted to meet Sci Fi Jane complete and replete with tasty thongs and laser guns….and that damnable Pleasure Machine. For those of you too young..before Laura Croft, before Xena..there was Barbarella. I had seen the Vadim film a few times when it came out in ’68 and my favorite scene is where Barbarella is captured by the enemy and placed inside the “excessive machine” where they crank it up for her to experience increasing pleasure, and her clothing is completely removed from the machine. When she reaches high climax she will die of pleasure writhing in ecstasy..but the machine burns out..it can’t keep up with Barbarella!!! On that day heading back to Tacoma to meet her I pictured her as a flesh and blood excessive machine and I was ready to be placed inside of her to experience increasing pleasure…well…it was a visual brought on by too much acid that afternoon.. and fond masturbatory memories of the film..so yes, I was fonda Jane.

 Jane’s one Hell of a Gal, but Barbarella… Barb’s a Whole ‘nother Story

I hopped a Greyhound to Tacoma. The ‘Hound is shaped like a giant silver dildo and it’s cool to ride inside and feel you are penetrating someones asphalt vagina. Talk about “roadhead” ..it’s a perfect preview of coming attractions and remember when it came to Barbarella…to come was indeed a verb. I got off the bus buzzing on acid and Dexedrine I took along with a joint smoked as soon as I was ejected or ejaculated from the giant silver diesel road ready steel belt dildo.

I raced to the Shelter Half as it was getting late and Jane was to talk around 7 and now it was close to 5:30 and I was in a chemical time warp without a clue as to minutes, seconds, nano-seconds, hours, quarter hours, half hours, or king biscuit flower power hours. I dashed in excited..panting…ready for the “excessive machine” to turn me into melted butter, but…but….Barbarella was not there…the machine was unplugged…and then..plugged back in again when I was told she was there to check in but she and her entourage were down the street at a dive of a Chinese Restaurant I knew well..with two you get egg roll..now with egg roll..I’d get Barbarella.

I walked in the dimly lit Chinese joint and just in front of me in a booth sat Jane, along with two of her entourage…one on one side of her and the other alone in the booth across from them. Eyes glimmering and glistening from an avalanche of acid I walked over to the table and just grinned that schoolboy deer in the headlights damn teacher you’re hot look and would like to fuck you after class and detention if that is OK with you grin..Jane said simply enough..”Won’t you join us” with a big grapes of wrath smile. and I —a dumbstruck dumbfuck— at a loss for words nodded like some damned hunchback mute from a classic novel and sat down across from her. She extended her hand and said, “Hi, I’m Jane Fonda” with firm grasp and shake…I grabbed her hand and said..and I regret to this day these words….I looked her in the eye and said..”No SHIT!!!”

 Getting to Know Jane beyond the Limelight

I didn’t know how to pull out of this social nose dive and gaffe but the rest of the meal went fine…I had no money as usual in those days so she paid for my dinner of chow mein and also a pack of cigarettes as I was out…we all left the restaurant together and I mentioned that I happened to have a few joints to which they, the joints received a rousing reception..we took our time walking and by the time we got back to the Shelter Half we had inhaled and exhaled three bombers as big as B-52’s only we were getting bombed..not some pathetic village in Vietnam… We went in and I took my place with her entourage in the front row and Jane worked the room and gave her talk…about peace, the waste of war, the blood and the body bags and how we must end this bloodshed. This useless tragedy that was consuming our own nation by dividing it in half. Violence in the streets…violence and death to draftees and young GI’s who didn’t have a choice in this war…the war must end…the bloodshed must stop…stop filling body bags…make love..not war…as she spoke …I was inspired…afterwards there was a Q and A session and of course everyone wanting to get close to Jane Fonda…afterwards…Jane and I and her two compatriots went to her hotel downtown and smoked more joints that they had, drank wine and talked for hours…

Everyone has memories of Jane Fonda…good or bad…opinions are like assholes as they say..everyone has one…but that is about Jane Fonda…Hanoi Jane or whatever you refer to her as…I don’t know Jane Fonda, as I spent the night with Barbarella…locked in an excessive machine of my own desires…where I might die of extreme pleasure in the fertile Fonda in one brilliant orgasmic cosmic flash…war may be hell..but a writhing Barbarella is pure pleasure….besides…remember..Make LOVE…not WAR…with Barbarella it was more than mere love…it was pure LUST!

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