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Becoming Mom: Part 1 (‘Growing Cohen’)

“I’ve said it for years, you’re going to be a great Mom!” ~ My Grandma

My entire life has been filled with the excitement of becoming a Mommy. Although certain things have put this dream on pause for quite some time, I was open to being a Mom to any child or adult that needed it. I have an overly-mothering soul, which blossoms when I am sharing my love with whomever may be in need.

My Grandma Predicts!

My Grandma had a dream of my deceased father handing me a little bundle of joy. I was told for years upon years by Doctors that it just wouldn’t happened, so I thought for a moment, my Grandma must be losing it. A few months later, I had conceived just as my Grandma predicted.

It was a shock that defied everything I knew about my body.

My first feeling was fear, and then an over stimulation of my brain and thought-process. I worried, and worried, and worried about worrying. I even feared telling my Mom as if I was still in high school. I think telling her was scary because the father and I had broken up 2 months earlier. When I told my Mom and my Grandma though, the happiness and joy that lit within them erased my worry. The pure happiness that I saw in my Mother’s eyes warmed my heart. Her smile was ear to ear, and her excitement radiated love. I felt silly to have feared this moment. It was wonderful to watch my Grandma happily dance a jig, even through she was struggling with cancer and chemotherapy. She was in complete energized, joyful, excitement.

Her first words to me were “I’ve said it for years, out of everyone, you deserve to be a Mom. You’re going to be a great Mom.

This touched me to my core. My Grandma called it a miracle. She said I would be a great Mom, and theses words have stayed with me to this day. The energy of that moment will be remembered forever. I prayed in that moment to the universe, the earth, God, and all that is light and good, ‘please, let her meet my baby.‘ I felt that I could never explain this Woman in words, and the baby just had to meet Gramma.

Sharing The News..

At this point I didn’t know how the father, my ex, was going to take the news. We hadn’t talked in over a month. With sweaty palms, I texted him that we needed to talk in person. Within an hour he was there. I was so nervous. I’m sure he thought I was going to tell him something life-shatteringly terrible, but I saw the relief on his face when I told him. If he could have jumped into back-flips of joy, he would have.

Fear is nothing. I have wasted too much time on worry and fear.

Becoming a parent is stressful, but I started to focus everything I am and everything I was meant to be, into joy and happiness for this little human growing inside of me. I loved being pregnant. It was a spiritual and physical awakening to my inner power.

The Glow?

There were moments where I just felt spiritually energized.

I guess they call it ‘The Glow’. I honestly felt like I did glow with energy and joy. I was a Goddess. Well, an expanding Goddess. I never understood the term ‘morning sickness’ though, I had all-day nausea, and just to move to the bathroom was a chore. I wanted someone to make me a toilet chair, so I didn’t have to get up every 3-5 minutes.

There was also the back-pain, dry hair, mood swings and terrible fatigue. Once, I even forgot my own name. All my strain though, did allow me to relax in bed, a lot. This gave me plenty of time to become one with my belly and the little soul growing in my womb. Despite all the pregnancy ‘side effects’, I loved every moment with my belly and my baby.

I started reading books and downloading apps that explained every detail of the growth of my baby. I rubbed my belly religiously. I talked, sung, and played music like Mozart or 3 Days Grace through a ‘Womb Song’ player that my Mom had bought for me. It was a speaker that belted to your belly. It came with a microphone, and connections for any electronic devices that played music,  as well as a stethoscope to listen to your baby’s heartbeat.  That was the best music I have ever heard.

A Miracle On The Way…

I will always remember the first time that I felt my little miracle flutter in my belly. It was as though I had butterflies in my womb, and once it started, it never stopped. I left the sex of the baby as a surprise for when we welcomed him or her into this world, and besides, it didn’t matter to me. I already adored this growing soul within me. Although we were never able to decide on a girl’s name, the boy’s name was decided immediately.

At 22 weeks, I was finally able to see my little baby. I cried the most intense, spiritual, happy tears. There was my baby. I was going to be a Mommy. I couldn’t have been happier. Some people dream of winning the lottery, but this was my dream. The baby stretched, kicked, and drank a lot of amniotic fluid. The beauty in that black-and-white ultrasound machine left me in awe. As my baby grew, I played games and tickled feet stretching through my belly. The baby always had hiccups, and I loved it. My belly would bounce in an uncontrollable jiggle that made me giggle.

I spent valuable time with this little soul who I hadn’t even met, and yet, I had never felt so close to anyone or anything ever before.

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