Becoming Mom: Part 2 (‘Knowing Cohen’)
“There is so much to life I want to share with him!” ~ Cohen’s Mom
My son’s due date was February 15, 2012. Each day past that date was a waiting game. I guessed, though, that my child would not come until the 22nd. After being induced, 24 hours of wanting to push, my child was not coming. They called it hypo-tonic contractions and I became a case study for the hospital.
The Waiting Game: Over?
My body felt I was 10cm dilated and ready to push, yet my cervix did not get the memo. I remember having more electromechanical instruments in and on my body. I felt robotic. Yes, I cursed; yes, I wanted to hurt his father. Imagine wanting to push out a Soul through a body that didn’t want the Soul to leave while someone is playing Angry Birds. But really, what could he do? Note: to any woman giving birth, pass on the drugs (they do nothing) and go straight for the epidural. That doctor was my God. If I wasn’t numb I would have bowed and kissed his feet.
At 10:12 am on the 22nd (as I guessed) of the 2nd month in the year 2012, I met my son. Cohen Michael, 7lbs 1oz. Meeting him was the most incredible moment of my life. As though something had been missing from my inner core but was now completed. I remember the nurse and his father going to bathe him and to meet the family, while I was embroidered up. As the nurses wheeled me down the hall, I could hear certain family voices in happy tearful joy and I began to cry in anticipation, in joy, in complete and utter happiness. I was about to meet my son, I was a Mommy and there was absolutely nothing that could ever be compared to that moment. My family was so happy, I was so happy and he was so perfect. I immediately dropped my gown partially putting him against my bare chest and started to feed him. I had never felt so content in my life; tears pouring through an endless smile. My family looking at us in pride and beauty of Mother and Son – together at last.
Mothering Comes Natural!
Mothering came naturally to me, as if I had done it before. I just knew what to do and what he needed. I am sure I was literally glowing in light. I was so grateful. I thanked everything: the Universe, God, spirit, light, Earth and everything that is – for my little boy. Every second of everyday I enjoyed watching him grow and learn to use his new body. We had to introduce a soother because he was a professional breast feeder from the start. If I would let him, his mouth would never leave my breast. My little boy addicted to breasts already. My Gramma did survive to meet Cohen. I remember Cohen looking into her eyes seeing her beautiful soul. My Gramma smiling with watery eyes, so excited. It was as though he made her giddy. He flirted and snuggled. Getting the chance to watch them together was incredible. But she always passed on the diapers as did my Mom. They had done a lifetime of diaper duty.
My Gramma passed a few months later with her family, Cohen and I at her side. I realized that Cohen’s arrival into my life was miraculous timing because it was time for my Gramma to move on to light. When I think of her I don’t don’t cry, I smile. She met my son, she was the best Gramma, complicated at times but we all can be, and well, she threatened that if I looked at her death as sad and cried she would haunt me. I believed her. She wanted to be celebrated and she wanted her family and myself to look within the beauty that is all around and not focus on the darkness, the bad, the terrible that can be. Her final loving wish was for family to find happiness in life. Cohen is now 2 years old and I can say that becoming a mother was the most incredible experience I have had. Watching him grow and learn and become himself is wonderful. There is so much to life I want to share with him, show him and guide him through.
The Reality Of Being Mom
Trust me, parenting can be hard and frustrating. Sleep at times is non-existent, but it passes. Each difficult phase can be enjoyed within the miracle of your child. A smile, a giggle, a hug or kiss can quickly erase those dark eyes lacking sleep, or energize your exhaustion. It’s finding focus in the great things that happen daily; and it is easy to get lost in stressful confusion. Every single day I am grateful. Cohen is 2, so days can be testing but I find humor in his antics, and happiness in the awe in his eyes everyday. Because to him, this is all new. I know that this little boy will be loved infinitely. I will help guide him along his path and become who he is meant to be. Which is his choice. As long as Cohen finds happiness within his life I will be happy. There is nothing that would or could ever stop my ongoing love for my child, nothing. I am truly grateful he chose me to be his Mommy. Ever since the moment that sperm met egg, I was blessed.