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Man, Addicted to Porn, Applies to Marry His Computer


Why am I not surprised he lives in Florida?

Chris Sevier, a ‘lawyer’ from the US’s drunk uncle of a state, filed the necessary paperwork to marry his computer this week only to have the application thrown out by the courts, proving that Florida can make a smart decision after all. Count me as surprised.

Sevier previously filed suit against Apple for building a computer that made it so easy to become addicted to Internet porn. Sevier claimed in that lawsuit that the addiction cost him his marriage as well as his job, from which he is currently on disability leave. In an effort to do… well I don’t really know what exactly, Sevier took his neurosis a step farther in his bid to marry his porn filled computer. Because if we’ve learned anything from romantic comedies, we know that’s what is important in a good marriage, sex. In any form. Even man on Mac.

Sevier’s argument for why he should be allowed to marry his computer was idiotic, even by his state’s standards. In an interview Sevier said, “[If Gay people] have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.” As my people say, oy.

Some people just don’t know when to quit. Obviously this guy needs help, but instead of standing up and accepting his position, he stuck to his guns and applied to marry a freaking computer. Somewhere the guys from Duck Dynasty are clapping (oh yeah, Sevier sued A&E and President Obama when the channel fired Phil Robertson) and Larry the Cable Guy is saying ‘that’s funny right there.’ Nice job, Chris. Now, if you’d like to step through this door Darwin is waiting to see you.


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