Nick Offerman. Dead.
This morning as we slowly awoke from our Monday night benders; media stations across the land were broadcasting information in regard to the loss of a giant. That giant was one of the manliest men to ever prowl this earth.
At 6:45 this morning, in the quiet little town of Minooka, Illinois, the burly beast of a man known as Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation) was found dead by his wife, Megan Mullally (Will & Grace) as a result of a sex panther attack.
Said sex panther has not been captured and is believed to be pursuing Paul Rudd.
Nick Offerman. Dead. April 1st, 2014.