Food For Thought

Professional Rager

I’m really big on hating stuff. Like, I love to hate things. Some people do Yoga, others windsurf, I spend my time being livid about trivial bullshit. I wish there was a job where someone would pay me just to be red-faced angry all the time.

Nickleback is my favourite thing to be mad about. I love it when a Nickleback song comes on the radio (I love hating the radio in general, but Nickleback is the creme-de-la-creme of shitty radio bands). I know I could simply change the station, or listen to a different medium that I actually do like, but then I wouldn’t get to grandstand to whomever is sitting next to me. I wouldn’t get to act like the arbiter of good taste, giving them a long, boring lecture on what does and does not constitute good music.

I used to really love getting mad at Paris Hilton. She was the best for getting mad at. She was rich and vapid and had a reality TV show. She didn’t know her asshole from her elbow, and yet she got whatever she wanted. And man did I consume every bit of media that came out about her. I could have spent that time working or doing things that bring me happiness, (or God forbid, enjoying the works of someone I *do* like) but I spent every spare moment I had combing through magazines for details about her that would get me frothing at the mouth. I could wallpaper my house with all the magazines I bought with her in them; I could have bought a car with the money I spent on them. But she’s been out of the public eye for a long time now, so I can’t seriously hate her anymore. Maybe I could be mad about that?

Nowadays I’m mad about “hipsters”. Don’t ask me to define what a “hipster” is, I couldn’t do it. A guy I know from work gets called a hipster a lot, though. He drinks craft beer and plays bike polo. God I love to wake up in the morning, knowing I get to hate him. Knowing that he is out there, enjoying things that he likes just brings my blood to a boil. I really hope he doesn’t give up on something that he enjoys just because people look down on him. I might have to start spending time on things that I actually like.

My biggest fear is that I’ll achieve Nirvana by accident. Then I couldn’t hate anymore. Thank God for Hipsters, though. I guess basically a “hipster” is anyone who likes something that I don’t. That means they’ll keep my passion for hatred alive well into the next decade.

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